Wednesday, August 7, 2002

3-Day Novel Contest (17:15 AST, The ShanMonster)

It's about time we have another 3-day novel contest, especially since the last one was in 2000. Here's how it goes. You work on a novel over three days. The days don't have to be consecutive, but you're not allowed to cheat and work on it for more than that. We don't have any way of checking to see if you're cheating, so just don't cheat, ok? That's lame.

The novel can be about anything, and can be any length. I think mine was more like a couple of paragraphs, but I digress.

There are no prizes aside from notoriety and pride, but heck, it just sounds like a fun thing to do, don't you think?

The last date for entries is September 3, 2002. That's the day after Labour Day, I do believe, so most of you will have a 3-day weekend right there. Do not submit entries to me, because I'll be entering. Send 'em to f00.

We're also on the lookout for judges, so if you want to be involved, but are more of a reader than a writer, contact f00. He's the invigilator.

Update (14:43 AST, The ShanMonster)

Added Villagers beat five women to death for being 'witches', Witchcraft convict had heart wrapped in cloth, and Elderly 'witches'persecuted in Mozambique to The Witching Hours.

Disturbances (14:24 AST, The ShanMonster)

Today, someone found my site by looking for "the best bland long hair vagina gallery". I think what's more disturbing than the fact this term found me is that someone else has used that exact phrase to find someone elses blog: Occasional Fish (courtesy of Disturbing Search Requests).

In other disturbing news, my sister phoned me to tell me how our parents have grounded her for going on a kayaking daytrip without their permission, and for staying the night at a friend's house. My sister is 28 years old. I am sooooo glad I don't have to live with my parents. They have no grasp on reality.

Yesterday, I learned about a man named Robert Nitz. He's a fucked-up, litigation-mad man with a repugnant habit: he's a self-mutilator. Now, I'm not talking about someone who carves designs in his arms or burns himself with cigarette butts. I'm talking about someone who has tried to disembowel himself over forty times. According to the police reports listed on The Smoking Gun,

while enroute to the Oakland County Jail, Mr. Nitz begun to bang his head against the shield window. Deputy Cejmer also stated that Mr. Nitz layed on the back seat and begun to kick the rear passenger door window. Deputy Cejmer stated that the window was knocked off track. Deputy Cejmer then stated that Mr. Nitz then broke Deputy Cejmer's chain handcuff. Deputy Cejmer stated that Mr. Nitz then used the broken handcuff as a knife and Mr. Nitz begun to dig a big hole into his stomach. Deputy Cejmer stated that Mr. Nitz then placed his hand into the big stomach hole and Nitz started to pull out his stomach and intestines. Deputy Cejmer stated that blood was spraying out of his stomach and Mr. Nitz was attempting to throw blood and stomach material at the responding Firemen and Deputies. Deputy Cejmer stated that Mr. Nitz also broke out of his restraints in the AMR ambulance and again placed his hand into his stomach.

Mr. Nitz has also disemboweled himself in front of kids, which is certain to give them some sort of complex. I'm not sure what I'd do if someone yanked out their own guts in front of me. I probably won't have to worry about it, though.

Electrobash III (13:34 AST, The ShanMonster)

This Saturday, at midnight, I'll be dancing with Drums and Machines at Electrobash III. Consider the dancing to be experimental belly dance, backed up with avant garde electronic music. Gallery Connexion is located in the back of the Justice Building at 453 Queen St. I believe tickets are $10, but I could be mistaken. The event is licensed, and you must be at least nineteen to get in. For more information, call Gallery Connexion at 506.454.1433. You really ought to go. It'll be a blast!

Update (13:22 AST, The ShanMonster)

Brought Maritime Belly Dance and Ethnic Dance Events up to speed.

Tuesday, August 6, 2002

Coraline (20:15 AST, The ShanMonster)

As soon as I found out Neil Gaiman had a new book coming out, I started wriggling in anticipation. When I found out it was a kids' book, I wasn't quite so excited. Although I really like The Day I Swapped My Dad For 2 Goldfish, it was a bit skimpy on words. I'm a quick reader, and I like my literary delving to take a while.

Coraline was a nice compromise. It doesn't have the bulk of Neverwhere, but it's significantly longer than a short story.

The only quibble I have with the book is the portrayal of Miss Spink and Miss Forcible's dogs. At the onset, they're referred to as Highland Terriers (a white breed of dog), and later on, they're described as something completely different. The editor missed that. Ah well. It's a minor quibble, and I wouldn't have noticed it if my grandmother hadn't had a Highland Terrier.

Like in Roald Dahl's books, high self-esteem isn't a typical characteristic of protagonists, and Coraline is no exception. She's a bit unsure of herself, but comes into her own throughout the course of the book.

Dahl isn't the only author I'm reminded of, here. The cat bears an uncanny similarity to Lewis Carroll's Cheshire Cat in attitude and surreality. There are also shades of the Addams Family, with a certain perambulatory body part. The sheer fabulist nature calls to mind scores of fairy tales: the creepier ones, by authors like the Brothers Grimm and Perrault.

With its distorted mirror image world and button-eyed "other" mother, Coraline is a great book for any creepy kid or grownup.

Snake and Crane Secret (14:27 AST, The ShanMonster)

I purchased a heap of chopsocky flicks at Walmart a while back, and Snake and Crane Secret was one of 'em. Last night, I sat back to watch it with a group of friends, and between the six or seven of us, we were able to just barely piece together a plot. It goes something like this: a good guy is murdered by bad guys in front of his two children, and when the lead bad guy orders the children also be slaughtered, one of his henchmen decides he's just not cut out to be a bad guy and saves the kids.

The two boys are raised seperately, and one of them has in his possession a book detailing the coveted snake and crane secrets--instructions on how to do super duper kung fu.

In the meantime, a small group of rebels are fighting the foreign devils so they can retain control of their own country.

The two brothers eventually join force and beat up the bad guy with the help of the rebels, of course.

During the course of the movie, we viewers were punctuating the film with a chorus of "Huh?", "What?", "I don't understand!", and the ilk. Perhaps it is just the VHS tape I have, but the cut scenes make no sense. In fact, it almost seemed as though someone had randomly shuffled clips from the movie. There were no establishing shots, and because of the horrendous dubbing (using maybe three voices in total), it was almost impossible to know which character was speaking.

To top things off, most of the fight scenes were apparently filmed at midnight during a new moon without benefit of even a flashlight. The only reason we knew there was a fight going on was because of the over-the-top whooshings, cracks, and screams. The sound effects are ridiculous, with whooshings beginning even before the fighter makes a move. In fact, there are times when there are loud war cries, yet none of the characters on screen have their mouths open.

All in all, if you're looking for a movie to conduct your own MST3K to, this is the one. If you're looking for a good kung fu flick, look somewhere else.

Monday, August 5, 2002

The Pie (11:41 AST, The ShanMonster)

I forgot to tell you how the pie turned out. I used a cup of peaches, a cup of blueberries, a cup of black berries, a cup of strawberries, and a cup of raspberries. It came out rather runny, but it tastes delicious! If I make it again, I'll have to find a way to thicken it up.

Veddy Interestink (11:43 AST, The ShanMonster)

Maybe it's old news, but I still found it fascinating: Minnesota may be the quackiest state --

Under the rulemaking which is to follow, “the commissioner may not adopt rules that restrict or prohibit persons from engaging in complementary and alternative health care practices on the basis of education, training, experience, or supervision.“ It appears that any person with any sort of alternative medicine practice or treatment has been judged worthy of the consumers' dollars.

For more information on quackery, check out The Museum of Questionable Medical Devices Online. While I was a Jehovah's Witness kid and taught not to question things, I used to wear a copper bracelet for wrist pain.

Until I saw Facial Feminizing Surgery Information and Links, I hadn't considered surgery as an option for transsexuals. I guess I thought they just did makeup, hormones, and electrolysis, with a few getting lip or nose jobs. Boy, was I surprised! And the results are generally fantastic (although there are one or two who I think are doomed to look a bit odd, no matter what). Beauty is no guarantee, but in some cases, the end result is a very pretty girl. I think Kate is one of those pretty girls, and she also has a fascinating website.

Sunday, August 4, 2002

Update (23:29 AST, The ShanMonster)

Added AlmightyZenTaco Tries to Save The ShanMonster to Does The ShanMonster Need to be Saved?. It's the first ICQ entry. Could this be the start of a new trend?

A Work in Progress (21:59 AST, The ShanMonster)

Remember the diamond-covered bedleh I told you I was working on? Well, I've spent the day sporadically working on it. Actually, I spent most of the day farting around, but the bra top marks my productive moments. I've been horsing around with my QuickCam for the past few minutes, and that's when I discovered this top makes me look stacked! Good God! Is that a plumber's butt in my top, or have I channeled the spirit of Lolo Ferrari? And to think I was the flat-chested model for a breast examination video....

This is the first time I've ever used this sort of strap layout. I thought it would be pretty straight-forward, and sewingly speaking, it is. I put a snap at the back of the choker. However, since the bra closes in the front, this made donning the top really challenge my flexibility. I was tempted to leave it this way, but realized that once I've added trim, I'll be losing ornamentation and hair every time I put on or take off the bra. So, I unstitched the straps and put the choker clasp on the front. I think I'll hide the clasp with a pendant.

I still need to do a lot more work on the top. I want to put heaps and heaps of rhinestones on the top, including some moveable diamond fringe across the fullest part of the bust. Right now, the top looks rather bare, and quite raggedy around the back. I hate sewing with elastic. It's a real bugger, especially when I only have little scraps of fabric with which to work. I've been holding one end of the bra down with a knee and the other end with a foot, then leaning into yogatastic contortions just to pin the fabric. And for what? A raggedy-looking back. Sigh....

Still, with a front like this, who's gonna look at the back? Hee hee!

The Best of George Abdo and His Flames of Araby Orchestra Belly Dance! (11:54 AST, The ShanMonster)

I was very happy when I discovered Smithsonian Folkways was putting out a collection of George Abdo's music. The Best of George Abdo and His Flames of Araby Orchestra Belly Dance! is an excellent compilation of this most influential musician. The music is intended for belly dancing, although it is also great for the discerning listener. George Abdo and his contemporaries often placed full dance routines on their albums (this compilation is no exception) which provide plenty of opportunity for dancers to demonstrate their prowess.

George Abdo was also very influential in the worldbeat genre. Although the music is acoustic and performed with traditional musical instruments like the oud, darbuka, and bouzouki, the sound is not traditional. The sound fits into a genre fellow performer Eddie Kochak called Ameraba. He mixes up different world sounds, coming up with something groundbreaking. He combines Turkish, American, Sephardic, Greek, Armenian, Lebanese, Syrian, Egyptian, and Greek sounds with his crooning voice and diverse instrumentation.

George's background was in both pure Arabic music and rhythm and blues singing. Thus it's no surprise that his belly dancing songs are tinged with North American music sensibilities. In "Ruh Tum Bi Salama" (Go In Peace), his voice even reminds me of Tom Jones' heavy-handed masculine sensuality.

The music has a very 60s and 70s feel to it--not in the disco or psychedelic sense, but in the now retro belly dance sense. The music is still fantastic for dancing, but listening to the music makes me think not of dancers in heavily-beaded designer bedleh, but of dancers in homespun costumes made with coins, bells, and chain mail. Indeed, the dancer on the cover (Sultana Noga) looks like she's wearing a home-made costume, with dollar store plastic bangles and her bra covered with a purchased Egyptian hip scarf.

I think dance costuming trends are returning to this thrifty look. Perhaps dancers will also return to the tried and true sounds of George Abdo. I can only hope Smithsonian Folkways decides to put out compilations of George's contemporaries, like Eddie Kochak, Artie Barsimalian, and Mohammed El-Bakkar.

Update (11:06 AST, The ShanMonster)

Added new information to Belly Dancers and Harem Girls Gallery.

ShanArt (10:33 AST, The ShanMonster)

Every week, I showcase the artwork of a different artist on the top left corner of my page. Unfortunately, due to an email glitch, I seem to have lost the credits for the most recent one, as well as for the ones which haven't yet been shown. If you're one of these artists, could you please send me a reminder? Thank you! And if you're a budding artist (with or without talent), send me your creation! It's fun!

In the News (09:53 AST, The ShanMonster)

What does Edinburgh do when they want to pave a road but an abandoned car is in the way? They pave around it, of course!

Mad scientists turn bugs gay.

Ever eat gummi bares? Kim Bailey might not have eaten hers yet, but she has put one in her mouth.

Andrew Bloom is not a nice man. He's been "maintaining" his zoo by not feeding and watering his 150 sick and emaciated animals.

A 103-year old man was asked to bring his parents with him when he went for an eye examination.

Paul Hunn has burped at 118.1 decibels (comparable to an aircraft taking off or a pneumatic drill), and now he's going to try to burp even louder. Odd fact: he uses strawberry yoghourt to scent his belches.

Stroked skin feels good for a scientific reason. As if it was all in our minds. The subject of the experiments makes the researchers believe only hairy skin reacts this way. "The patient showed no response to the palm of her hand being stroked." Hmm. It seems to me there are naughty hairless skin bits that should have been tested, too.

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