You Asked: The ShanMonster FAQ

Well, it's about time I put together a FAQ. I've been asked the same set of stupid and intelligent questions for quite some time, so here's a list of answers....

Why don't you answer my emails?

The fact is, I rarely correspond with anyone for very long via email anymore. I am overwhelmed with vast amounts of email pouring into my computer, and have several Mb worth of unanswered emails which will unfortunately remain that way. If you want to correspond with me, the best way to get any sort of regular response is by posting to Smash Your Head Against the Cage.

You Bible-thumping, pew-hopping, right-wing Christian! Don't you realize that Wiccans aren't baby-killers???

(Yes, I've received many, many letters to this effect....). Yup. Didn't you see all the disclaimers?

You godless heathen! Don't you know you'll burn in hell for your sins?

Nope. I didn't know that! Thanks for letting me know, though....

Will you send me naked pictures of yourself?

No.

Will you send me naked pictures of witches?

Uh, no.

Who takes all your pictures?

Mostly f00Dave, with my big-ass Minolta 35mm. It's the size of a Volkswagen Beetle! Witch Hazel has taken a couple, as well. She's a photography major!

Where did the name "ShanMonster" come from?

Well, my name is Shantell, hence the Shan part. The Monster came from me searching for a nick while playing Doom eons ago. The name ShanMonster just flowed out of my fingers, into the keyboard, and onto the screen. Perhaps I was possessed. I don't know. Wasn't that anti-climactic?

What software did you use to make your site?

Believe it or not, my entire web was handcrafted with notepad.exe. Crazy, hmm? The images were bent/folded/mutilated with PaintShop Pro, GifCon, 3D Studio, and 3D Studio Max.

How do I link to your site?

Well, you have a couple of options, but either way, please link to my Bigfoot URL. With the server problems I've been having lately, my site tends to move around a bit....

Save this nifty graphic to your own server! At a mere 13K, it'll load in no time flat.... Here's the code:
<p><a href="http://www.bigfoot.com/~ShanMonster/"><img src="shansite.gif" width=100 height=50 alt="[The ShanMonster Page]"></a></p>
Or save this nifty graphic to your own server! At a mere 3K, it's even faster than the first piccy.... Here's the code:
<p><a href="http://www.bigfoot.com/~ShanMonster/"><img src="shan_ban.gif" width=400 height=40 alt="[The ShanMonster Page]"></a></p>

Have you accepted the Lord Jesus as your saviour?

Yes, but I'm feeling much better now.

I have a webpage, but it really sucks. Will you redo it for me?

Sure, if you're willing to pay. I charge an astronomically large fee: $10/hr with a minimum payment of $50.00. Howzat sound? Email me for more information.

How do you model in the nude when you're on the rag?

First of all, I don't just ignore it, as one of my peers accidentally did. (She was modelling with white drapery. Kinda messy. Blech.) Granted, some of H. R. Giger's models may have intentionally been in that state. My artists, however, haven't been nearly so avant garde. I don't just wear panties with a pad, either. That kind of ruins the entire point of nude modelling now, doesn't it? And, I don't just shove in a tampon and start posing. It's too damn easy to look like a kite that way.

So, here's what I do. It's quite simple, actually.

I get myself a tampon.
I snip the string off fairly short (but not too short. It's a pain to go fishing, as it were....)
I insert the tampon.
I tuck the string into all those female foldy bits.

See? I told you it was simple.

Another option is to buy a rubber cup which fits over the cervix. I'm not sure where you can get these, but I think I've seen them advertised in some nature-friendly women's magazines. This might be the only option for models unfortunate enough to have suffered from genital infibulation. These cups resemble the suction cup thingies that fly out of some toy guns.